Doors In Camden

Sometimes I think that I could be on the verge of something incredible - as if whatever I'm thinking about could actually be done this way and good grief that's so clever, but then all of a sudden I get distracted by something- a butterfly or the folder sitting on my window bench when itreallyshouldn'tbethere, or remembering the ache in my carpus - I probably broke my pisiform bone when it got hit by that minibus, or it's the triquetrum or the hamate that I broke, but I have no idea and damn I wish I could X-Ray my own bones... And it's not healed properly, and it still aches, even though it's been well over a year since and it's so not fair and I wish it would just fix itself... These things are supposed to happen, because howboringwouldlifebeiftheydidn't, but they're not supposed to stay bad or broken or hurt, they're supposed to fix themselves... That's what usually happens.
Anyway. Yes, so it's easy for me to be distracted.
And that's so irritating. I could have understood so much by now, if only I could lengthen my attention span just a little. It's like having a dream of walking towards a door, but waking up just before you open it. Or discovering something terrifying, but waking up before you react to it. So much frustration.

It's funny, because I seem to spend most of my life feeling too sleepy or tired to move, but I could actually be so clever and things could be somuchbetter and why am I always so tired?
I want to know why and understand this, but I'm kind of really sleepy right now. And I can't think properly. It's all disjointed, and I keep on seeing purple and dullyelloworange at the edges of my vision. And I'm hungry, but the thought of eating makes me feel nauseous, for once.

My friend once said that going out with me was akin to taking a five year old who'd never set foot outside the house into the city. I wasn't sure if that was because of my attention span or how interesting the outside is. In Camden, there's a restaurant, and it's got massive doors that are the size of a small tree, and it's the kind of bright red that looks like the Sun. And it's so pretty.