It is six in the morning here, and I woke up early for the very specific reason of revising my Latin Literature (Book Two of Virgil's Aeneid if you're wondering)
However, because this is a new blog (it's only five hours old!), it still retains its shiny entrancing allure, and is therefore far far more interesting than silly things like Aeneas' domestic issues (His city's burnt down, his father doesn't want to leave said destroyed city, his son's head catches on fire, and his wife gets lost in the turmoil like the ditz she is. It's hardly surprising that Virgil dedicated close to a 1000 lines to its retelling).
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| Aeneas and Dido in Carthage. Just an example :) |
So basically, the issue is: I appear to have a... crush on someone. The distaste I feel for that word alone is almost unbearable. 'Crush' is such a juvenile, vulgar term. I would much rather say, 'fancy' (i.e. I've taken a fancy to someone) or even the rather more puerile option: 'like'. As in 'I like like him.' At least those terms don't have the childish, somewhat commercialised American connotations that 'crush' does.
Also, I've just managed to successfully use three synonyms for immature in one sentence. Check it ;)
Yeah, I'm a snob. I shop at Waitrose and everything.
Anyway. Back to the 'crush'. I, for some unknown reason, have just decided to start feeling fluttery and weird whenever this boy talks to me. This is stupid and completely nonsensical, because I have met this boy just once in my life and even then we only spoke for all of two minutes. Most of my interaction with him has been via Facebook. However, by dint of continuous stalking, I have managed to come to the conclusion that this guy is a bit of a legend. And I know that this isn't just me being affected by... unwanted chemical reactions, as even some of my friends have waxed lyrical about his legendariness (Yes. This is now a word).
And now one of my friends thinks that something is going to happen, even though it really won't because I've been far too much of a spaz when talking/bantering with him over Facebook and also I'm not really the kind of person who people would go for and also eww. Relationships with people means they get to touch you. And expect things from you, like constant texts and affection. Eww.
Another thing that makes me feel slightly depressed is the whole 'inter-racial relationship' thing. No one wants to do it. I mean, Asian girls (most of them) are usually more than happy to go for white boys (or girls), but I don't know any white girls (or boys, to be honest) who would be happy to go out with Asian or black boys (or girls).
This is depressing. This is depressing because it shows two things. One, people aren't as cool with the whole otherpeopleothercolour thing, even on a subconscious level which is probably where these decisions are made, which clearly implies an uneven, slightly broken, if not outright fractured, society despite most people's best efforts. The second thing it shows is that it's going to be even harder for me to find someone I might possibly be interested in. 'Crushes' don't count - just because I like the idea of someone doesn't mean I'd be cool with them kissing and touching me. Eww. That is going to require effort on both of our parts. Yay.
On a brighter note: threesomes sound fun and cute. I have no idea why, but the idea sounds appealing. Maybe it's because your attentions are divided between two other people, so you don't have to deal with the pressure of just one...
Yeah. I have control/trust issues. And some weird insecurity thing that I don't understand going on.
Blah.
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